Ukraine shuts down arms network that supplied weapons to Steven Seagal
5d 20h ago by feddit.org/u/Hubi in nottheonion from kyivindependent.com
Seagal's wikipedia page reads like he's in the running for biggest shitbag actor award.
Seagal’s wikipedia page reads like he’s in the running for biggest shitbag actor award.
Emphasis added for clarity.
Hey man, he sometimes stands up in his latest movies.
SFX have gotten so good that you can barely hear the grunting.
Wouldn't even have to use SFX to be convincing. Just dump a few hundred pounds of dog shit on a little trolley, put a stupid toupee on top, and wheel it around slowly on some rope. Nobody would tell the difference.
I'm trying to imagine this, but my mind keeps showing me Steven Seagal...
They really are good at painting out wire work in movies these days.
I hope that's not the case. One example in this video someone posted the other day, he's doing a sex scene sat down and fully clothed. He's basically a marionette at this point.
VFX at its limits
Walks fatly around corners, even
I bet it's ai
Seagal’s wikipedia page reads like he’s in the
running[slow shuffling walk] for biggest shitbag actor award.
Corrected method of movement.
Seagal’s wikipedia page reads like he’s in the slow shuffling walk for biggest shitbag "actor" award.
Have you seen him lately? He hasn’t run for anything in a long time. It’s actually funny if you watch his later movies, he’s mostly sitting down through the whole thing.
What the hell happened to him? Wasn't he like a martial arts guy for real in the 80s?
He was never as great a martial artist as he thought he was (just ask Gene LeBell), but he at least used to be... you know... mobile.
He got old. And soft. And round.
That was 40 years ago
The last movie I saw with him was Under Siege after release. Left disappointed. Far more of a Jackie Chan/Tony Jaa kind of martial action films.
The best Steven Seagal movie I've ever seen, really the only good one, was Executive Decision.
Like other Steven Seagal movies, you see he's in it, and you groan and think, "this is going to suck." Then 20 minutes into the movie he's killed off, and you can relax and enjoy the rest.
I liked Exit Wounds, in which he demonstrated that the fastest way to steal a car is by using a key fob.
In all fairness, that's the only thing I remember about that movie and I'm pretty sure I've never seen anything else with him in it. Excluding Space Ice YouTube videos.
That one had a pretty good cast outside of Seagal himself. Same director also did Romeo Must Die and Cradle 2 the grave with some of the same cast, but no Seagal. Those are slightly better movied since... No Seagal lol
in which he demonstrated that the fastest way to steal a car is by using a key fob.
Space Ice is that you?
It's not, but I did reference his videos in the next line!
Under Siege was only worth watching, just to see Erika Eleniak.
Yet boomers will clap and call it art
Behind the bastards (podcast) had a good two part episode on him.
The bar is high, but he's definitely in the running.
How has this rancid bratwurst not ended up in the Trump administration by this point?
And give up his position in Putin's administration? No way.
Eh, Putin's in charge of both anyway, so there's not much difference.
Why not both?
Maybe he doesn't like kids 🤷♀️
He's too busy attending Putin's parades, which is something he literally does
He outranks trump already.
Hey I'm going you need you to be more respectful of bratwursts here.
Every time you think this timeline can't get any more nonsensical and inane, it throws a "Steven Seagal is a gun runner for Russia" curve ball at you.
So why isn't he in the Trump cabinet?
His ego didn't fit through the door.
Is he also a pedo?
My first aikido masters were former students of Sensei Fat. They refused to speak of it. He must have been a real piece of work, even then.
That makes you the disciple of Steven Seagal's disciple. Awesome.
The grand disciple of Steven Seagal.
Anyone got a link to that video where he's fighting and older, but all of his opponents are falling down with barely any effort? It wasn't a movie but a dojo setting from what I remember.
No, the one I remember seeing he's all fat and bloated and stationary in a white gui. Opponents are running at him and he's barely doing anything, but the people running at him are obviously taking a fall. Maybe I imagined it all.
No, I remember seeing that. I think it was a news clip from Russia.
Top comment lol:
Unfortunately, people don't voluntarily flip over on the real world.
I'm gonna go on a tangent here.
While that is obviously what's called compliant demonstrations, there is a degree of misconception about what a training partner is going to be doing during active sparring, or non compliant training.
See, grappling arts in general, as well as arts that feature throws and joint manipulations, include training in how to either counter or mitigate the effectiveness of the techniques being used. For one, if you run into it ina competition or real fight, knowing how to counter is always a plus. But training itself is risky. Even a really chill, friendly dojo means that at some point, you'll be hitting the ground, or having your body twisted.
So, you learn not just how to fall safely, but to roll, flip, or otherwise use your body to reduce the effectiveness of a throw or joint manipulation. And when you're doing that, it kinda looks similar to what the performers are doing in that video, just a good bit more energetic.
Those aikidoka throwing themselves around aren't just faking it to make segal look competent. They're using good techniques to counter the moves being performed, if it were all real, active sparring.
Tbh, when it comes down to the techniques being performed, he's not even that bad. They're being applied correctly, if with less than ideal footwork and mechanics. The problem isn't that segal doesn't so aikido well, it's that he's a fake in other ways, and aikido has never been a combat system. To phrase it the way some folks active in martial arts say it, it's a do, not a jutsu. And that's true. Aikido is less about fight training than it is self development. There's nothing wrong with that at all. It just isn't the same thing as something like jujitsu where there is fight focused training and methodology.
It could be. Aikijutsu exists. And some aikido is taught/trained with active resistance and cross training with other arts. When done that way, it's not as bad as people make it out to be, though I'd still argue there's better ways to reach a given degree of self defense or sport combat effectiveness.
But, yeah, that video is essentially an ego stroking demo, not even an actual demo of aikido techniques.
Cumtown has a great bit about his movies: www.youtube.com/watch?v=BzIHyF7UWY4
another good video
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BzIHyF7UWY4
That was hilarious, thank you sir!
What the hell is going on with his hair?
It's fake as fuck and he decided to go for the lupin the third look.
It's 3D printed
It's Lego
It's AI generated.

He was auditioning to be Eddie Munster on a possible spinn-off series.
Why would Seagal need weapons?
To defend the VantaBlack he's spraying on his head
He's a massive Putin daddy's boy. I'm guessing so he can give them to Russia
The OG gravey seal.
Imagine being such a shitty dictator that you have to hang out with the likes of 2020s Steve Seagal 😂
Why can't we (as in civil society) drone bomb steven seagal?
The traitor and sack of shit should be on the frontlines.
This is hands down the best thing Seagal has ever been in.
https://youtu.be/3aCMTpJx2cs
Well, I wasn't expecting to watch a man build a diorama today! That's amazing.
Me neither. Nor did I expect it to be that funny.
He has a number of diorama build videos on his channel that are all great.
Also, he built a rowboat shaped like Jeff Bezos' head.
I'll check them out. He's pretty entertaining. The gentle lilting Irish accent makes you think it's just going to be a boring narration, but then he drops some hilarious bit and you're hooked. The bit with his friend's Segal and Glover impressions made me laugh out loud.
ETA: The Bezos boat video is one of the best things I've ever seen on YouTube. Everyone should watch it.
Bobby Fingers! Been a while since the last one.
also he deleted/unlisted quite a few videos. for example the one where he makes the contact less paying eye and the one where he goes to Turkey to implant one but hair to his scalp.
they are still available in reel format on his insta.
Ah I'm bummed to hear that. I just came across him and watched Segal and the drunk Mel Gibson one. I was hoping for more as I wheezed laughing the whole time but it's been nearly a year since his last listed one.
Even got this text from my wife in bed...
Just checking you're ok you're laughing yeah? X
Yeah. I wish he'd post more, but I don't want him to rush anything or become too mainstream either.
Omg that is fucking amazing. I'm rolling around here.
Do we know the status of Steven Seagal's nuclear program?
I've heard he's weeks away from having a nuclear bomb.
Fat vampire
Is that what he's eating?
Russian pumpernickel parties with Tucker Carlson
It’s Ming the Merciless!
In Jumbovision!
That has to be a wig... Right?
I think it's Magneto's helmet
I don't remember where I saw it because it was a while ago, but there's at least one picture online that clearly shows that his "hair" (most of it at least, definitely that point on his forehead) is spray painted on. Poorly.
Why would Putin care about this guy at all? Wouldn't it be worse for his image?
The US has a long and storied history of producing high profile weirdos that get trapped in a moment of international policy, like a mosquito in amber, and just keep hanging out with a foreign government we re-designated as The Enemy decades ago.
Seagal has Putin. Dennis Rodman was tight with Kim Jung il. Johnny Depp is good friends with Mohammad bin Salman. Gal Gadot is a perennial Netanyahu gadfly. Rob Schneider campaigned for Victor Orban. Oliver Stone and Robert Redford still rep Fidel Castro.
If you go into the back pages of US History, you'll find moments when US officials attempted a thaw or brokered some kind of cooperative pact with a modern enemy nation. And typically, the State Department would send along an affable oaf or enthusiastic wanna-be celeb ambassador to make nice with the foreign head of state.
And then US policy changes, but the celebs don't get the memo.
Putin also has Roger Waters :(
Waters is far more anti-Ukrainian Nationalist than pro-Putin. But yes, another great example.
Although Ukraine is another great candidate to watch for "Country that ages like milk, but social media dead-enders keep hanging on to" in ten or fifteen years.
Gal Gadot is Israeli. Robert Redford is dead.
Gal Gadot is Israeli
You can be from a country and not like it's national leadership.
Robert Redford is dead.
So is Fidel Castro.
As she’s Israeli, she doesn’t fit your own criteria of being “produced by America”
She's been "produced" by Americans since her 2007 Maxim bikini photo shoot. Gadot is an American celebrity, having been in far more Hollywood pictures for English language audiences than Tel Aviv pictures for Hewbrew speaking ones.
Could be trying to boost his popularity with MAGA boomers so they'll support politicians who won't give his favorite bunker a surprise renovation.
It's been rumored that Segal has Russian mob ties and that's how he got into showbusiness.
I'm gonna take you to the bank, Senator Trent. 😑 To the BLOOD BANK.
🤣
Another asshole who I hope fucks off into the aether soon.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hQaYOjZrhIE - Very relevant details from the world's foremost Steven Segal expert.
Space Ice has some quality Seagal ridicule. But imho the very best is Cum Town's: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BzIHyF7UWY4
He is an expert in slap-fighting, sit-down style. "Everybody was slap-sit fighting".
Terrorist
And Traitor
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Steven_Seagal
Are we sure this isn’t some guerrilla marketing for a movie?