Give me toxic womanizing female Bond
6d 19h ago by discuss.online/u/VetOfTheSeas in microblogmemes from discuss.online
This is fire. Support Women's Wrongs, not just their Rights
Reading your comment gave me whiplash from the cultural difference of James Bond and a trendy word with 12 year olds from 5 years ago. Every generation will have words that are popular and a few of those are fine, anyone using the word "fire" like you have is absolutely not one of those, especially now when you couldn't even blame it on trying to be trendy. It was always an excruciatingly "I'm 9 years old and trying to sound cool" word and you should cringe qqt yourself for the rest of your life for not realising that.
Every generation says this about the next generation's slang. The world has moved on from you, you should accept that.
"Fire" is kind of a dated millennial term by this point anyway. Gen Z would be calling this "Bondpilled" or some shit lmfao
Femmebond is sigma pilled? can someone put an LLM to good use and make me a gen z translator
There's the thing, the moment you do understand it, it will be something different.
This is by design, you just have to accept it.
This chud is crashing out ;)
The only appropriate response to this lmao
You are 11 days old, calm down
Ahahahahahaha. Why do i reply to you? I'm sorry your vocabulary is so limited. Have you read anything on a printed page like ever?
5 years is plenty of time for language to spread to other groups. Every in my millennial group accepts this as standard parlance.
Don't be a square. Neologisms are cool/rad/sick/lit/fire.
Or should we stick to only using the shibb that the previous generation thought was ""cringe"" to borrow your own use of a neolog there.
Radical dude!
Far out!
This is not a fire take. Straight up. Big L lil bro.
🔥🔥🔥🗣️🗣️🗣️
Legit A+ take
If, and only if, no one ever references the rest of the Bond canon jokingly. Everyone just plays it perfectly straight. No nods at the camera, nothing. Just like we all looked past the Bond actor changing in the past, everyone is just like "Yeah. That's Bond."
Hell, have her leave flowers at Tracy's grave.
What, no "This never happened to the other guy?" for a new face?
Even the male Bonds didn't all do that.
Remember?
"This never happened to the other fella" James Bond On her Majesty's secret service when Lazenby was the actor.
He must be referring to the tires squealing on sand
Hell, have her leave flowers at Tracy's grave.
I haven't been to the theaters in a decade or more, but I would show up to see Tig Notaro as Bond. Or maybe Leslie Jones?
Fuck yeah im in, if she can hold the accent
Naw, she should cycle through all of the accents of the previous bonds.
I was confused. Then I realised I was thinking of Leslie Nielsen.
Guys. We should get Leslie Nielsen to play James Bond.
He did. It's a pretty fun movie.
No, I mean not a parody. I want him to be the next james bond.
Sorry to break it to you, but he's dead.
And loving it.
I see a challenge to rise Leslie Nielsen from the dead.
Don't give Hollywood any more ideas for dumb uses of a.i.
Weekend at Bondy's
If it weren't for the fact that he wasn't British, he could've been the first James Bond. He was only a couple years older than Sean Connery, and was a well-known dramatic actor at the time Dr. No came out.
The First bond was Barry Nelson in 1954 for CBS. His birth name was Robert… Nielsen.
A little late now, but I could see it. When I was growing up, he had already transitioned to comedies and I didn't learn until much later in life he was a serious dramatic actor before that. Still haven't seen of his older/serious work, and TBH, I don't know if my brain will accept it lol.
I see Brandi Carlile in this role for some reason.
The actress that plays Judy Gemstone.
or... just Judy Gemstone?
“The name's Bond. Judy Bond. I have regular woman panties where the string goes up my crack. I have tits. I do sex. I’m carvin’ my own path.”
And you just left me leaving a snail trail at this poker table seat. Sup boy?
I was thinking Phoebe Waller-Bridge. she's already associated with the franchise as a writer, and works with Amazon as a producer, and a lot of her work involves problematic queer women. didn't see the new Indiana Jones she was in, so idk how she is as an action actor, but if she's half decent I think she could pull it off
Tig Notaro was one of the only good parts of some of the modern Star Trek shows. But, she'd be an absolutely awful Bond. It might be fun for a 5 minute sketch comedy parody of Bond, but for a full 90 minute movie it would be terrible.
Her defining trait as a comedian is her deadpan delivery. Bond has a dry sense of humour, but that's very different from a deadpan affect. He's also extremely charming and charismatic, which doesn't work well with a deadpan delivery.
Sooooo, Atomic Blonde?
I love that movie so much!
Yes.
The stairwell fight was awesome.
Legit one of my favorite action movies. Charlize and Sofia were so fucking good in this movie.
Let's take it one step further, and we have precedent in the 1980s:
This is an amazing picture
This looks like a job for a jacked, alt Aussie.
Who TF is that and likes lobsters so much?
sibling, those are scorpions on her abs.
Pinchy bugs.
Venomous land lobsters.
Rhea Ripley. Def has the athleticism and swagger for fem badass lesbian chauvinist Bond.
Soooo many lesbians I know are devastated that she's straight and married. 🤣
Awooga indeed.
Marilyn Manson, is that you?
Count the ribs.
The Rib area looks particularly strange in the photo.
Basically Atomic Blonde
But why lesbian though? Shouldn't she just fuck twinks and make them straight
Lmaoooo
I hate you and wish you had left the internet today
It’s anachronistic that this is still a part of it, but womanizing is integral to bond- Daniel Craig pulled it off without the chauvinism from earlier Bonds, but still seduces women like nobody’s business. A woman turning twinks is a different kind of problematic, and is not really identifiable for the core audience of Bond fans.
Straight men can identify with at least one party in the situations of someone relentlessly seducing women or a woman relentlessly seducing straight men. I could see the latter working on that level, but there’s a lot of cultural baggage that comes with a woman pursuing sex with men, and that might distract from the rest of the movie. We can only get rid of barriers by breaking them down, but I don’t know if it would be as commercially successful :|
not really identifiable for the core audience of Bond fans
Ahhh.. I forgot the part where we've stopped talking about weirdness for the sake of weirdness and started talking about profits.
Oh, I mean, yeah, if we’re just talking about what would be fun, I’d honestly prefer if she were incredibly attractive inadvertently and Mr. Magoo seduced a bunch of all kinds of people without intending to or noticing. I do think the idea in the post would actually be makeable though, and I think that would be lost without womanizing.
The world is ready for a Bond Girl who is a beautiful twink.
This, but make it a new IP. Not to "protect" the integrity of the Bond franchise, but because I just want to watch something without being reminded of a different thing.
Yeah, this exactly.
And additionally, i am really yearning for new ideas in main stream cinema.
I wanna see Idris Elba as Bond. He's cool as fuck and looks great in a tuxedo or suit.
But a woman Bond would be fun, too, if they were just like the OG Bonds. Make Chris Hemsworth Moneypenny.
I think he's quite arguably too old now, but holy fuck he would have been perfect
Idris Elba looks like God or the Devil in a suit, and for the life of me, I cannot tell you which one is cooler.
Half God, half Devil. All cool.
Do a TV show where he plays both, and the heroes gradually realise that he's the same guy in different clothes, so they kill him.
If that isn't already the plot of a JRPG, let's make it one.
He would have made a great Bond at one point, but yeah, definitely too old.
I really liked Daniel Craig's bond but I wish they would have cast Henry Cavill instead. A younger Idris Elba is a bit of a no-brainer but too bad the bond franchise isn't handled well (at least in my opinion).
Cavill was the choice until Barbera Broccoli met Craig at a party.
Yesssss, they had been planning this at one point but changed their minds!
I want my Idris Elba Bond, goddamnit!
Nothing against Daniel Craig as Bond, I think he fit the part. I think some of the movies weren't great for plot instead. I would've loved Elba to have been the next one when Craig first said he was done. Maybe Michael B Jordan now or Jamie Foxx back then as well. Bond in his 30s makes more sense in my head unless age is a specific plot point like Bruce Wayne in Batman beyond, but that starts complicating the 007 transfer a little on the nose for the franchise.
Daniel Craig was good for a certain era of Bond.
He came in after Austin Powers thoroughly skewered them. After that they had to go back to a more realistic Bond.
I think Idris Elba would have had the unique ability to fit into either the more modern, more realistic Bond character, or into the classical Girls and Gadgets Bond era. In Luther he was basically almost playing a realistic version of Bond.
Think of what Q could do with menstrual products.
Detonate a maxi pad. Floatation tampon. Garrote tampon. Chloroform pads.
For a second I thought you meant Satr Trek Q, and was very concerned.
I mean, Q could do those things if so inclined.
Think, what Bond would be capable of in the state of the red rage!
Flotation tampon? You're thinking too small. Explosive. Maybe shooty. Definitely some kind of bang. Tampon could be a mini bazooka with all the latest tech in a mini-missile.
It is essential that these be kept separate from regular tampons.
With that said, grappling hook?
It is essential that these be kept separate from regular tampons.
Haha. Nice comment to start my morning with, thanks. :D
Not essential for Bond though.
They have to be able to fool the henchwomen of their enemies, so like the cigarette-gun, it needs to be in a box with regulars so it doesn't get taken away from Bond by the Villain and they can then use it for something cool, after which they make a bad pun.
“Guess it was your time of the month”
Bond, shooting a mini rpg into a wall that cracks open with water on the other side, causing a flood and washing all the henchwomen and villains away:
"Guess you had a... heavy flow."
I'd totally watch this in theaters. Also hot. But also fuck vodka martinis. Toxic lesbian James bond would drink pure gin, call it a martini and the only thing she's eaten that day is about 30 olives and some pussy. She may have some olive juice in her gin solely to make a pass at the bartender by calling it dirty.
Take the ambition, but not by stealing the name.
Most “female version of” media I’ve seen ends up being derided, in Marvel, in games, etc. Take the fun concepts you’d feel from seeing this Bond parody, and ideally use it to build up a fresh, cohesive character from scratch - an experienced spy who gets chewed out by her superiors for getting drunk on the job and banging too many women, but gets the job done well.
The whole point of this is that it's not a "female version of" ... it's literally the same thing.
But why though? Bond is an essentially masculine character. If masculinity is what you want, may as well have a man play the part. If a fundamental change in the character is what you want, may as well just create another character. That then frees you up to form the character in the most honest and creative way instead of being tied to an existing franchise just to get those $$$
Because the concept of "masculinity" and "femininity" is at its core made up, so by just swapping in a woman and keeping everything the same you're showing a massive middle finger to gender stereotypes and roles.
Sure it would, but it wouldn't ring true. James Bond is a product of a patriarchal culture. I don't believe a woman in the same position would be treated the same and ultimately become the same person. I can see it as an exercise in what-if, like Bridgerton, but once again, that's a whole new world and hence new character in that case.
Meh every bond is different, like talk about whiplash look at Sean Connery to Pierce Brosnan. I think the formula works just as well with whatever actor you throw at it. Daniel Craig was probably more off tone than this idea imo.
It's ok if you just don't personally like the idea of a woman bond. It doesn't have to be like a fundamental truth of film that Bond can only be played by Scottish tough guys or whatever.
Personally I find the idea exciting and would love to see the attempt.
Yeah this sort of thing is just a bit annoying to me. Having thought about it more I think the real problem I have with it, is it's always sold with the idea of showing that women can do anything men can do, but then the result is crap and the whole franchise dies so the actual message is the opposite. You had a franchise made popular by men, it's handed over to a woman... aaand it's dead. Which isn't even a true picture because:
a) it's usually a franchise that ran out of ideas anyway so casting a woman was just a desperate shark jumping moment that was the final nail in the coffin, and
b) the reason it was crap is usually not because a woman did it, but rather a female version of male character type show/movie is warmed up leftovers, not the sort of project that gets handled by the best creative talent.
I just wish there were more interesting and inspiring characters that were actually written for women in the first place, instead of trying to put women in the worn out shoes of men.
I agree stunt casting can be used to paper over a weak movie, I just don't view ethnicity/race/gender/sex as critical to most huge franchise movies.
I agree that executed poorly it will be bad and unsatisfying. But if they're out of ideas and shark jumping going with the same sex again won't make the movie any better.
I truly think we're in personal preference territory here
I don't know why, but if they make a Bond movie, make the entire script for a man and cast a woman into it I think it'd be just as good as with a man or better. Having a woman do Bond stuff is less expected so it'd feel fresh.
...not necessarily. Some of these gender specific features are made up, but some of them have been hardwired into us by sex selection.
The line, this line, I just see as arbitrary.
We already cast different actors to play Bond. They're already quite physically different. They have different accents. Craig looks to me like he was hit by a truck, contrasted to Brosnan.
Why exactly is it OK to cast across many dimensions but gender is the "bad line"?
I have my own answer, and that whenever Hollywood does this, they just can't write the character as a woman. Like, thier idiot writers and algorithms and focus groups and marketing departments just fuck it up every time, just assfuck the source material with the express goal of buzz.
But this post?? They GET it. If OP had creative control, I'm genuinely ok with it.
I don't have issues with different actors playing characters. They just have to be written in a way that respects the characters and by extension the fans.
If Star Trek can have a Black queen (does she make captain? Im only on season 2) named Michael, we can have a female Bond.
Spoiler
She does.
Thats what I thought, thanks
Spoiler
But it does take her over 900 years to achieve that rank.
Spoiler
So what you're saying is....🎵it was a long road getting from there to here🎵?
You may want to know thats not how to do spoiler tags on Lemmy BTW edit: this may be client side for me using Jerboa idk after further searching it appears you should be right
Does Jerboa need the space between the ::: and spoiler?
e.g.
:::spoiler Spoiler
text
:::
Spoiler
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or this:
::: spoiler Spoiler
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Spoiler
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FWIW, both of those formats work for me in Lemmy UI, Tesseract, and Alexandrite. Haven't used Jerboa in forever.
Man thats a real good question cause none of these tags b workin
Check again. The formatting was a little wonky when I checked in Lemmy UI, so I fixed it. Closest thing to Jerboa i can test right now.
Bupkiss
... did my screenshot work? Wtf is going on
Yeah, screenshot worked and spoilers on your end def didn't.
How does Jerboa format spoilers?
I guess it doesn't lol
I vote to have Sonequa Martin-Green play Bond, both for maximum trolling and because she could do a good job at the role.
Or if she can't manage the English (Scottish?) accent, cast her as Felix Leiter.
Omg yes!
I vote Alicia Vikander
Ana de Armas please
Carrie-Anne Moss was born for this role! And most of the bond movies have minimal stunts so it’s not like she’d have to do matrix again - just play her role from Daredevil
Or a gay James Bond man who sleeps with all the other men.
"Do you expect me to talk?"
"No Mr Bond. I expect you to cum!"
Or an ace James Bond who isn't distracted by tits and dicks and just does his fucking job. Still a raging alcoholic because ace tho.
You must be talking about the Sean Connery inspired character in The Venture Bros
Including the villains, with equally cheesy name-based gags.
"I see they don't call you 'blo'-feld for nothing ;)"
I want to see a female Duke Nukem.
Perfect!
... who is all out of bubblegum?
I just want her to give dollar bills to male strippers with tassles on their nipples, saying "You wanna dance?"
Lmao do it!
They did that. it was called Bombshell.
One deeply underrated aspect of this post is a woman taking the name James. Women have taken Leslie, and Ashley, and so many other names. But James, an apostle, the brother of Christ! If this can happen, then women can take Paul, even Peter. Because why not!
Because Paula, Petra?
Sad, I was hoping for hot bond-boys.
Genderswap Felix Leiter as well and have her annoy Bond because she can get men even faster than Bond can get women
Yesssssss!
¿Por qué no los dos?
As a somewhat straight white guy, I'd be totally down to watch a female bond end up with a polycule of a golden-retriever himbo and a cute, standoffish at first, scientist/plot relevant expert.
This post reminded me of this music video
https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x38mlpu
The prodigy - smack my bitch up
Wow. I know the song so very well and never seen the video until now.
Cara Delevingne would nail this role. Or Kristen Stewart
or Katy O'Brian, she's a lesbian and knows martial arts.
For me is either Cara or Florence Pugh
"Yeah we made the same shitty movie, but listen me now.. Now the chArActER IZ A WoMEn!! Plz watch!!"
Give Sandra Bullock a Bond movie, you fucking cowards.
Isn't she too old at this point?
I wanted to argue that, but yeah, she's 61 and Roger Moore was 57 when he did his last one. So, perhaps, yeah. But not by a lot.
And not from the Commonwealth.
Ten years ago Sandra Bullock would have been apex Bond, but I think she’s still got it.
Ten years ago she was 51.
That's a pretty respectable age.
She's 61, oldest Bond was 57.
https://lemmy.world/comment/23471394
Roger Moore was 57 in his last film. She’s only 4 years older than that.
only 4 years older than that.
It's 61. It's a lot. Especially for a physically active role.
Hollywood hasn't had a fresh idea since 1913. It's all retread ideas.
So I say push the Black Widow. The character is already its own thing. Smart, skilled, powerful. The lesbian angle is good. Womanizing sells in Hollywood heros. Maybe have her fight an evil gang of TERFs or something.
At first I was like "no" then I got to the second paragraph. I'd watch this for sure.
Honestly, I would love some femcel entertainment.
I really loved the lead in Send Help! Womanizing, loner, highly avoidant. This is the lesbian of my youth. This is who I want to see represented, not the tired old stereotypes.
Now, Euronews Culture can officially end all speculation by revealing that the identity of the new James Bond is... Irish actress and singer Jessie Buckley.
You read correctly: James Bond will be played by a woman for the first time, in the wake of Lashana Lynch briefly taking over the 007 mantle in Daniel Craig’s Bond swansong, 2021’s No Time To Die.
Buckley rose to fame following her role as Rose-Lynn Harlan in Tom Harper’s Wild Rose (2018). The 36-year-old followed that critically acclaimed turn with I’m Thinking of Ending Things, The Lost Daughter, Men and The Bride!, before taking home the Oscar for Best Actress this year for her performance in Chloé Zhao’s Hamnet.
She therefore becomes the first Oscar-winning performer to be cast as Bond.
More casting news was also revealed, with Tom Hiddleston playing the franchise’s first Bond boy - named Fitty McCrotch – and the new M is set to be portrayed by none other than Gillian Anderson. Both frankly inspired choices.
https://www.euronews.com/culture/2026/04/01/so-long-daniel-craig-the-identity-of-the-new-james-bond-has-been-revealed
Thanks for reposting April's fools
Screw that, make Modesty Blaise
-
Is her own character, so wouldn't get labeled "the female James Bond."
-
Has a cooler back story than James Bond
-
Has a cool cast of supporting characters
-
Is canonically awesome at martial arts, but will use guns when pressed
-
Already has a bunch of books and comics to use as source material
-
Has at least as many sexual adventures as Bond
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Has a long-time male partner with whom she is emphatically not in a romantic relationship or a Will-they-won't-they situation
This why not make new franchises instead of gender sealing a character. There are so many stories out there why tell he same ones just gender or race swapped. Tell new ones that feature the gender or race you want.
It makes chuds annoyed. And that's about as good a reason to do anything! I'm all for race and gender-swapped Bond!
The reason why the industry regurgitates IP is because the general public and the industry are lazy as fuck.
You could make a brand new super hero but it won't be as popular as retelling the Batman origin story for the 30th time.
Same goes for James Bond. I personally think if they want to continue that universe, and introduce a female spy as lead. Just create a new character, give her the number 005, and make the damn movie. I don't want a 007 Jane Bond but I'm down with a 005 Jane Smithe. Retrofit some shit about James training her before he died. Put Craig in flashbacks or something, and go from there. Hell, you could even make it Moneypenny. In the universe they had a working relationship, she worked in the field with Bond in the previous movies, and maybe she is promoted to 005 after he died. The first movie could be her transition to spydom, learning the ropes, getting promoted, and stumbling into some super villain storyline - which isn't fully resolved at the end for the next movie. I'd totally watch Naomie Harris as 005 kicking ass and taking names.
Of course you know that won't happen. They'll do the bullshit they did in No Time to Die.
Why does she look like Ghislaine Maxwell?
I was born for this role
We could also do all of that in an original IP. Why does it always has to be a reboot or a sequel or a remake or any other regurgitation
There is political strength in doing it like the last line said and using the established franchise.
"But why subvert when you could merely amuse?"
I was raised to believe that there are no stupid questions, so I am choosing to regard this as a non-query.
Getting two groups of people who's whole identity is yelling at each other to yell about a specific thing for a couple of weeks isn't really all that impactful.
Did you read the last line?
The bond series is the one series that can just be endlessly rebooted.
Most stories have an ending, coming back doesn't make sense. I'm not even a fan, but bond is forever.
Make it a bisexual woman aggressively turned on by older people
[off topic?]
Why can't we have a big budget Modesty Blaise movie?
Get Abigail Thorn.
I like all the people in this thread nominating actors NOT from the Commonwealth.
It's gotta be Diane Morgan.
I didn't know who Diane Morgan was. Turns out I DO know who Diane Morgan is. I'm on board as long as she plays Bond exactly like Philomena Cunk.
Exactly. It shouldn't be Diane Morgan as James Bond, it should be Diane Morgan as Philomena Cunk as James Bond.
I would watch the fuck out of that movie.
It would just by Johnny English all over again but it'd be fun.
What is a Commonwealth actor?
An actor from the British Commonwealth. There has never been, and likely never will be, an American Bond.
Huh. That's upsetting. I'm trying to decide on whether or not to continue using the term "commonwealth", going forward. I thought it was just a term for "everybody owns", not a literal name for "British or British owned".
Lower case commonwealth absolutely does mean that, but upper case Commonwealth generally refers to the territories that Britain owned.
You mean like The United States Of America?
I want a Canadian James Bond. "Hey dere ho dere Blofeld, ya frickin hoser."
The US is not considered part of the Commonwealth as it was not a territory when the Commonwealth was officially formed.
Ahhhh, I see. Good to know.
I'd be okay with it not being exactly as toxic as James Bond...... I think people are forgetting how many times he outright rapes women in those movies. Including one time in GoldFinger where he raped a lesbian who became straight afterwards, because you know.... "Lesbians are just women who haven't been fucked by the right man".
And please let her be played by Charlize Theron.
And we already have Tessa Thompson looking great in a tux in The Marvels...
I'd like to pitch Ruby Rose for this part.
Oh damn, we think alike a bit perhaps.
I was gonna go with Samantha Béart, the voice behind Karlach. Also Australian, and at least played a lesbian.
Edit oh Ruby Rose is that gal from OITB I remember her. Yes yours is now my first choice as well, if we can't have Karlach, who's a fictional character.
If she goes and gets some tips on cqb pistol use from Keanu she'll be the perfect Bond
As in, the protagonist from RWBY?
My vote goes to Sue Perkins.
That's just opposite day. What about a muppet Bond who may be an animal/human hybrid?
But then that's just a muppet episode
Anyone ever watch Killing Eve?
You’re thinking Jodie Comer as 007?
A little bit yeah
That’s cool with me.
Did we have spy thriller Black Widow yet?
Red Sparrow?
Ur forgetting that movie need to make money and the target audience who pays to watch James bond would never pay to watch that.
Spoilers for 007 flick No Time To Die from 2021:
!spoiler spoiler we find out the next 007 is exactly a seductive woman. The above concept could be written with the actress chosen for that film as the new 007 and it wouldn't feel like a character change at all.!<
Definitely a recommend if you're a Bond fan and missed it during the pandemic.
They should do the same thing with Ghost Busters!
And sadly, they did.
I'm sure this would sell as well as black Sanpe in Harry Potter or black L in Death Note.
nah, Snape and L are specific characters, but Bond is just a position in mi6. a position that has been different people across multiple movies already.
someone made a comparison to james bond and metal gear solid 3. except in that game, the main character’s point of view is that of the same as Pussy Galore, and the Eva is the actual james bond. and it’s my favorite of the series
Eh, Snape was always a black character. And I'm not sure americans would notice that he is portrayed as negative character without him being played by black actor.
A recent video of a magician and a singer has made me realize how much I really want to see this.
Is there anything wrong with making another franchise?
Since I'd be watching for all the scantily clad males she'd be seducing, I wouldn't want her to be lesbian or there wouldn't be any of those.
She can swing both ways, like James. Nobody can convince me he hasn’t dabbled even if it’s not in the movies.
Am I the only one who read this and thought, wait, Daniel Craig’s bond was suppose to be toxic?
I agree about the toxicity of other bonds, but I thought they tried to move away from that with the latest reboot and hence why it was one of the most successful ones.
huh, I thought they had kind of moved away from the most toxic womanizing features of him. Not eliminated, but more reasonable?
If LBP could only act....
Maybe a plot featuring Bond's daughter could be cool. She wants to find out about her dad she never met and gets pulled into the spy world.