I would stop looking at those people online to start with. It is clearly having a negative effect on you. If you feel your therapist is working out have you considered looking around for another to use in your healthcare network?

Sounds like you're both looking for a way to measure yourself and using grades as the metric. That's not going to bring happiness, even if you succeed with a perfect GPA.

You're going to therapy - great first start. Perspective is missing from our lives and gives us the reassurance we need in challenging moments. For you, therapy can give you the vision to see that you are doing very well for someone going through a lot of shit. And you are actually going through a lot right now. Our minds are great at getting caught on the little things when we don't have big things to look forward to. Having someone weigh in on what's on your mind will help sort out what's priority to being happier and what can wait. Therapy is key to this outside perspective on our problems.

My journey started very similar to yours and it turned out I was working against myself. I have ADD and am neurodivergent so traditional schooling didn't work for and perpetually low grades did a lot of damage to my self esteem. Therapy was key to this discovery.

My dad worked in HVAC and I saw how not-unhappy he was so I got into welding. I'm fucking incredible at something when I can focus and no one fucks with you when sparks are flying, so I got praise for my work and after a few months I realized I wasn't angry all the time.

School is making you unhappy. Take a break from school, step away from the GPA, and find something you're good at or that makes the time fly by. That's where you will find the change you need to be happy.

You can always come back to school on your terms when you find yourself outside of grades.

I had a like a 2.5 GPA in high school. I dropped out of college after two semesters. I worked assembly at a medical device factory for a couple years and taught myself programming. After a couple years I had maneuvered myself into a programming job at said company.

It took me about 8 years from high school to a pretty good paying job. This won’t work for everyone but it is possible.

I can’t really say much for the mental health thing but, make sure you take care of yourself.

For some insight into others…my son is 21, struggled with school (failed most of his community college courses right out of high school), struggled to keep retail/restaurant jobs and trying to figure out who he is. He took about a year off of school and finally going back (because he wants to, not because I or anyone else told him to).

Like others have said, easier said than done, but taking a “pause” in life is ok. Your mental health is way more important than how you might think people see you or what society says you’re “supposed” to do. My husband dropped out of high school, never went to college and now has a six figure job.

Also, I suggest you stay off social media. It was the best decision I ever made. People on social media mostly only post about the positive things in their lives. You’re not seeing all the shit they keep inside, their messed up emotions, their drug/alcohol use, etc.

I promise you, GPA means nothing.

No one will ask you for your GPA after you graduate. No one will be able to (legally) confirm your GPA.

Just keep putting one foot in front of the other. Change is the only thing that's certain in life. For better or worse, things always change ❤️

I know it's wayyyy easier said than done, but you have to really try hard to stop comparing yourself to others. I don't know everything that's "wrong" with you, but it will be a huge boost to your mental health regardless if you're able to get past that hurdle. Look, we all do it. I do it too and whenever I do, I tend to get sad. But you gotta try to do it wah less, man.

Here's the thing, right...there is no "correct" way to go through life. They have a 4.0 GPA. You don't. So what? Not everyone goes through the same things in life. We're all just organisms built to try to survive on this planet. Nothing else matters. Life your life at your own face, and find the little things you can do to help you survive and make you happy.

College probably just isn't right for you now. And that's perfectly ok. Curious, what were you going to college for? If you don't know, maybe it's time to investigate. If you're unsure what you want, I think you need to pause school for now and try to figure out what sort of thing you'd like to do first. And/or your school should theoretically have a career counselor. You absolutely need to visit them if you do!

I'd hold off on joining the army for a bit. They tend to "prey" on young men to get them to join. It can be a good career, but idk that it's necessarily the best option. Have you considered trying out the trades? They can have a bit of a lower bar to entry and you can always shift careers to something different in the future.

Il not sure I have a lot of good solutions for you, but your post reminded me of a quote I hold dear:

comparison is the robber of joy

There will always be others doing bigger and better things than you. They’ll make better grades and make more money. Focusing on their success only serves to fuel your own disappointment or depression.

I’d encourage you to start thinking about what might make you happy. The Army wouldn’t be my choice for myself or you, but I don’t think it’s the worse choice. Depending on your specialization, you might learn life or career skills that ignite a fire inside you and reveal what you are really meant to be doing with your life. You also might have a terrible time and come out worse for the experience.

I personally think self reflection and honesty about what brings you joy and fulfillment is your next step.

Good luck friend.